Valrhona

Valrhona Noir Alpaco 66% Cacao dark chocolate single origin Ecuador

Super sweet. Slightly grainy, but not gritty. Flowers. A sunshine bouquet. A bouquet of daffodils in the basket of a bike riding down a country road in summer, streamers on the handlebars. Toward the back of my mouth at the finish, pausing to sit in the shade of a willow by a pond, the daffodil scent drifting over on a breeze. Much like Labooko's 60% Ecuadorian, this is a summertime treat, but it's more for picnics with friends than for field mouse birthday parties.

Valrhona Noir Guanaja 70% Dark Chocolate Exclusive Blend

Ok well this sounds dumb but you know what it smells very chocolatey. Like it really goes way past my nose and into my chest and gut, this scent, it's a deep powerful sensation like sex or getting hit by a truck. and it reminds me of ...um well it reminds me of the mulch in my garden, which is made of cocoa hulls. it also reminds me of oak wine barrels in a dark cellar. The flavor... what, ok what, I don't understand, every chocolate I've eaten is chocolate, how is this so much more chocolate. Well anyway holy shit the texture of this is incredibly satisfying, very smooth and just the right amount of chewy. (I suspect I'm hungry.) something a little bit sharp, like the wine barrels have metal bands around them. Oh, this one's like an upright base. It's like the cello hot chocolate from before, but deeper and lager. And maybe a little more smooth and gentle. A couple slow dancing in the wine cellar to upright bass jazz music playing out of a brass gramophone.

Valrhona Noir Abinao 85% Cacao Dark Chocolate Exclusive Blend

Smells like cocoa powder. Dark warm, like blanket fort with a space heater. Sharp, sweet, bitter, baking chocolate, the cabin of a boat, the ground powders and flour and such in the pantry of a ship lit by dim lamps. A little dull, but smooth. Like an opium den. Senses dulled, dark and warm and comfortable, yeah I think this is the chocolate of an opium den.

Valrhona Noir Araguani 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate Single Origin Venezuela

Smells red, bright, and sweet. Imagining powder yellow flowers. Tastes very sweet. Smooth silky. Pink and yellow flowing silk sheets in the wind. Oh and a light blue one. Pastel silk sheets drying on a clothes line in the summer breeze, giggling children running around them playing tag. A light and playful chocolate with a breezy undertone.

Valrhona Noir Manjari 64% Cacao Dark Chocolate Single Origin Madagascar

Smells light green powdery moss. Maybe irish moss, not yet in bloom. Tastes melted in the sunny car. Easter bunny. Surprisingly powdery. A little thin. Quite pink. Sharp and tangy around the edges, a mandarin orange but only the blades of its tongue. Subdued. Lying exhausted on a bed of iris moss in the sun drinking Tang after soccer practice.

Reflections

Valrhona is a bit milquetoast.

I didn't find any of their chocolates at all offensive. They each have a distinct character, and each is quite enjoyable. But it's not a brand I'd bring to a phenomenological potluck. The dynamics are narrow, and it's almost as though the process used to make all of the chocolates involves a heavy blanket of snow, something that dulls, numbs, lulls.

The Guanaja does manage to overcome much of the soporific effect, though, and I'm impressed by how paradigmatically chocolatey the experience was. If I wanted to explain chocolate to an alien for under $30, I might well hand them a bar of Valrhona's Noir Guanaja dark chocolate.