Bars From Whole Foods
Nohmad Snack Company 85% Cacao (raw, soy free, stone ground, dairy free, paleo-vegan, sweetened with maple sugar)
This one has an unusual appearance. It's sort of gray and chalky looking, as though it got too warm at some point. I suspect this is the normal color of this particular brand, though, given its ingredients are a bit different. It smells sweeter than I expected of an 85%, though also quite dark. Unusually plasticy when it first goes on my tongue. The surface is so smooth and hard, and it doesn't melt right away. Quite bitter. Not especially approachable or welcoming. Very little sweetness. Once I start chewing it just dissolves. The whole thing is like a puff of chalk while cleaning erasers. It's so insubstantial. A chocolate that's hardly there. The most cardboardy of chocolates I've tasted so far. Ok but what's there if I'm really quiet? It's almost like it's trying to be a cracker. Hm, a sudden cool floridness when it goes to the very tip of my tongue. It's a cracker eaten with tea at a table with a floral centerpiece, a cracker that remembers being chocolate, a food like the background noise of a television to accompany small talk. I don't really think this chocolate is trying to create an experience. I think it's more trying to technically contain cacao beans without offending anybody. And indeed it's *not* offensive in any way, but I do find it a little depressing.
Madecasse Beyond Good Madagascar Heirloom 80% Cacao
Mmm! I like this smell. Sunshine sweet red carnations. Whoa, on my tongue, it's immediately sharp. Sour, in fact! And then spicy. I've never encountered such a sour chocolate. It reminds me of air heads or sour patch kids. Hm, no, more like fermented fruit or pickled plums. The sourness overwhelms whatever else is going on, at least if I'm not paying careful attention. It's quite red. This is a goth teenager with a streak of bright red in their hair, not fond of showers or many other societal conventions, sitting alone in the corner at a skating rink birthday party reading Marx or perhaps Nietzsche.
Chocolove Extra Strong Dark Chocolate 77% Cacao
This smell makes me relax, like sinking into a hot spring that's just the right temperature in the shade of broad-leafed trees. It's a fast melter. Lightly sweet at first. Cool. No, cooling, like a balm. It's a very quiet chocolate. Smooth and unassuming. It's not really asserting anything in particular. It's more supportive. This one falls more toward the "snacking chocolate" side, I think, than the "art chocolate" side. It's not trying to draw me in, and when I focus my attention, I don't sink much deeper. This chocolate reminds me of a lightweight cotton comforter, the kind you'd pull over yourself for a midday nap in the summer.
Endangered Species Chocolate 72% Cacao
Rich bright smell. Texture a little grainy, at least at the beginning of melting. There's a dark part that reminds me of baking. I'm having a hard time finding anything to say about this one. I think it's unusually close to what I expect of chocolate. Hard to see past that. It's pretty smooth despite the slight grit. I expect it would make a solid hot chocolate. If it were a boat, what kind of boat would it be? Something solid, sturdy, and large. A commercial cruise liner. This chocolate is built to please the masses. It's just a little bit exciting in its brightness, it's just dark and bitter enough to be taken seriously as a professional outfit, it's just sweet enough to obviously be for fun. It's a big reliable cruise liner full of cookie-cutter hotel rooms and shrimp cocktails selling standard issue fun, mostly to adults. It's really quite soulless.
Theo 70% Dark Chocolate
Smell reminds me of sangria. Sharp flavor right away. Slightly grainy on my tongue. A strange bitterness underneath, like mown grass. Yeah, this is the "fresh grass clippings got into my sangria" chocolate. Oh, and a little mud too. It's odd, but kind of fun. Definitely reminds me of summer and childhood.
Divine Deliciously Rich 70% Cacao
Oh, smells so sweet! Sunshine yellow like daisies and pink tiaras. Flavor doesn't hit me hard with anything at the start. First thing is licorice flowers. The texture is super smooth. Cinnamon. Such a strong cinnamon that I'm double checking I didn't accidentally get one that's flavored with cinnamon. Nope, that's just the chocolate! This one has several pieces. Interesting how it's a little complex without being deep. Like it offers a unique combination of experiences, yet doesn't really go anywhere. I'm into it. It has a personality. It's six year old girl wearing a tiara playing with bugs out in the pumpkin patch, her hands still sticky from the cinnamon roll she ate for breakfast.
OmNom Chocolate Tanzania 70%
Oooooo, intoxicating scent. Sweet and smooth and enveloping. A silk hug. First flavor I get is sweet, then a tiny bit sour, then florid. Yeah, this is the most florid chocolate I've tasted that isn't Ecuadorian. Oh how delightful. The texture has no grain or grit at all, and it's surprisingly chewy. There's something dark and cool here, but it's like a pocket, a fissure in the cliff face. It's really got a sharp point despite the smoothness. Like an assassin's dagger. An assassin waiting in the wisteria shadows. I love this one.
Tony's Chocolonely 70% Dark Chocolate
My nose insists that this smells "chocolatey". Very sweet and fast-melting on the tongue. Baking chocolate. Chocolate malt. Smooth texture. This is super solid for snacking. Ah, and a bit of oranges. If this were a boat, it would be a sturdy viking longboat, but only in a child's imagination as he sits on the old log bridging the river.
